Abraham van Hellsing versus Cat
by death-in-the-orchard
Summary: Abraham conflicts with a fanged demon equiped with retractable claws, fur, nine lives, and...undead abilities?


Abraham collapsed onto his bed, hoping to take a midday nap. His eyes were closed and sleep was pulling away at his mind when a weight shifted the bedding and something touched his chest. Blue eyes shot open and the man sat up on his elbows and stared at the cat. Little black paws hesitated, but then resumed their task of bringing the feline onto Hellsing's chest. Whiskers tickled Abraham's face as the cat rubbed up against his cheek while he was immobilized by surprise. He pushed the cat away gently and sat up on the edge of the mattress. The cat quickly padded to his side and began to paw at him and then rub against his arm.

Coaxed into answering the mews for attention, a large hand smoothed the animal's coat and a low purring filled the room. To Abraham's surprise, the cat pulled away and then insisted on climbing over his lap, ignoring the man's discomfort. Another paw then pushed at him and toyed with his sleeve until Abraham petted it again. He laid down to continue his nap, but the creature made him sputter suddenly when it stepped on his stomach and walked over him. His head followed the progress as the animal circled around him and stopped at his wrist. Little fangs nipped at the flesh, making the hand recoil and then pet the cat to make it stop trying to bite him again as it meowed angrily. The cat continued to walk over Hellsing and chew on his wrist at times to get him to run his hand over the creature's back. A smile split Abraham's face, followed by an amused chuckle at the demanding and arrogant behavior.

A rapid knock on the door stole this expression and heaviness returned to the lightened spirit as Abraham got up and went to the door. The cat leaped off the bed and followed his heels, wrapping around his ankles when he came to a stop. The door creaked open, but the little beast remained to pester Abraham…not that the man actually minded the company.

"What is it?" alarm sparked in Hellsing when he saw the dismay in the two faces, but this feeling escalated when he recognized the men as two of his scientists. "What?" he added sharply when the men hesitated.

"The…the vampire escaped from the labs." One man began hastily, cringing when Abraham's irritation and displeasure touched his features. "We had completed the final experiment of the day when his form suddenly…shifted to…"

Hellsing stared at the distracted man and then at his companion when both adopted strange expressions and their eyes dropped to the ground. Blue followed the direction and found only the cat at his feet. His eyes flicked back to the men and then to the feline. His attention went back to the stupefied expressions.

"What?"

"He…" one of the scientists swallowed, fixated on the cat. "He turned into…a cat…very much like this one…"

Abraham's face joined theirs and he gazed down at the creature as it stopped running its body over his shins and looked up at him. It gave a prolonged meow and stepped over his shoes, leaving dusty footprints behind.

"You mean…" He spoke without looking at either of the men, and they continued to watch the cat as it began to meow loudly and paw at Abraham. "…this…is my vampire?"

"W..we don't know what happened, Sir! We…" one of the scientists stepped forward abruptly, causing Hellsing to look at him with a blank stare. "…we'll fix this." There was a pause and Abraham's dull eyes fell to the cat as it tugged at his pants.

He frowned at it and a whiskered face turned up to his. Their eyes locked for several moments before the cat mewed and stretched upwards to touch his knee. Curiosity softened the expression and Abraham's knees creaked as he lowered himself slowly to scratch the top of the beast's head. The scientists gasped in shock and then gaped when Abraham began to stroke the cat gently.

"S..sir?"

Abraham didn't look at the confused faces, mesmerized by the animal as it purred and then chewed on his wrist, wrapping a paw around his forearm to capture the man's limb so as to have more freedom to gnaw on it.

"Alucard?"

"Meow."

Abraham stared at the cat. "Are you really Alucard?"

"Meow."

Pause. Abraham scowled slightly at the cat that was weaving around his legs as he stood up. "Is that all you can say?"

"Meow."

"Speak. I order you to speak."

"Meow."

Abraham grumbled and glanced at the dumbfounded scientists and then back at the cat. "Now, Alucard. Say something."

"Meow."

The purring beast caught Hellsing's laces and began to chew on them with zeal. Abraham moved his foot away and the creature paused and then coiled and pounced on his shoe, tearing viciously at the laces. Alucard growled and then hissed when the cat began to purr and little claws frayed the shoelaces mercilessly. "Stop it."

"Meow." The volume of the purring rose and Abraham's eyes deadened when the cat tired and curled at his feet snuggly, swiping at his shoes lazily with its tail.

* * *

The scientists had gone and Abraham returned to his bed to finish his nap. He growled a warning at the cat when it joined him and began to torment the man once more. Hellsing closed his eyes stubbornly and ignored the creature as it pawed and mewed for his attention. He coughed when it stepped on his chest, startling the cat into retreating for a second before it returned. Abraham's eyes shot open and he yelped and rolled away when the cat jumped on a very sensitive area and then dug nails through his pants when it leapt away in fear.

His hands went to the throbbing injury and he moaned in the blankets, adding curses when he could breath. A tearing eye turned up from the bedding when a loud purring reverberated in his ear and whiskers with fur rubbed against his cheek. Abraham hissed and then groaned at the pain again, burying his face back into his mattress.

"You're a monster!" the accusation was muffled and then further hindered by a whimper.

"Meow."

"Damn you!"

"Meow."

Abraham just groaned again in temporary defeat.

* * *

"Do not do that to your Master ever again!" Abraham snarled as he picked up the cat several minutes later. The cat mewled and pawed at him for a moment before arching its back and thrusting its hind legs into Abraham's chest and arm, claws digging into flesh. Abraham hissed and dropped the creature that then flopped awkwardly onto the floor, first twisting spastically to make sure it would land on its feet. The cat composed itself with regality as the man looked over his wounds bitterly. Slits of blue pierced into the beast, but the cat just meowed and wandered about the room, brushing up against random furniture. "Alucard!"

"Meow."

Hellsing blinked at the response. He recovered and growled at the cat that ignored him completely. "I'll send you to the labs again." He warned gravely, but the cat came up to him and purred, grazing his legs and trampling over his shoes. The blue eyes grew colder. "I'm serious, demon. I should beat you or feed you Holy silver for these transgressions."

"Meow."

"Don't back talk me!"

"Meooooooow."

Abraham hissed in outrage and immediately dove into the seal. Nothing happened. His eyes were wide as he stared at the creature that purred and tried licking his pants but found the taste unbearable and began to lick itself instead. The silence irked the animal, so the cat decided to start purring once more.

"Whatever magic…whatever the Hell this is….it has touched the seal…" Abraham let out a string of breathless curses and he dug as hard as he could into the seal. Nothing happened. Scooping up the cat and overlooking the claws that swiped at him with angry growls, Abraham made for the door.

He never lessened his hold on the seal in his mind as he sought the group of scientists and told them the misfortune that had occurred (the one regarding the seal, not his manhood). The horrified men immediately descended with Abraham and the writhing cat into the dungeons.

The band froze when they heard a ghostly sound that filled the dungeon air. Abraham followed the wail, trailed by the other more anxious humans, and he stopped before his vampire's cell. When he ordered the door to be opened by one of the men who kept the keys in his possession, Abraham was the one to thrust the door open. A wave of sound hit them as the screams poured from the opening. Abraham advanced and then lost all momentum when he found Alucard on the stones, delirious with pain. His voice cracked at times while his body writhed blindly, trying to limit the pain in any way possible.

Hellsing gasped after several moments and he let go of the seal, having his gasp echo from the vampire as it felt the first hint of relief. Alucard coughed raggedly and collapsed, his eyes closed while his chest rose and fell with unnecessary, instinctive panting. A minute went by before a trembling face creaked towards Abraham with wide imploring eyes. "W…hy?"

Alucard stared at his Master, unable to quell his shivering and when his eyes found the cat that was staring at him dumbly. His brow furrowed in doubt and confusion and he sought Abraham's answer again with a more specific question. "What was I doing…that was wrong?"

"What were you doing?" Abraham murmured detachedly, still overwhelmed by what this all meant.

"I was sleeping." Alucard's chest was no longer burdened with unnecessary breaths, though he was still suffering from random twitches. Red eyes observed the black cat with interest that postponed his annoyance and anger at his Master's unjustified punishment. "Am I supposed to eat that? I don't really fancy furry animals…"

Abraham started, the reaction silencing the vampire who continued to stare at his Master from the floor. Alucard noticed the other humans numbly before focusing on Abraham again. Hellsing was looking at the cat with a blank expression, considering the option as he looked back on all the pain the beast had given him.

"What's going on?"

The cat suddenly wriggled and fought its way out of Abraham's hands and fell to the floor in a crouch. The feline launched itself towards the door and bounded out of sight. There was a heavy pause, broken when Hellsing turned on the group of scientists with a deadly glower.

"Who the hell said the vampire turned into a cat?"

The men looked at one another and then at Abraham anxiously. Alucard's eyes were wide and he gave a forced chuckle and then groaned. He eyed Abraham when the man glanced at the floor.

"You thought I was that cat?"

Abraham glared and then looked into the gloom to mutter something unintelligible.

The vampire tried to laugh again but it sounded painful to his own ears and he winced, closing his eyes. "I would laugh at your stupidity, Master…but I hurt too much at the moment."

"Shut up." Abraham snapped with a huff and he spun on the scientists, shooing them from the cell. His hand lingered on the door while Abraham looked over his shoulder at the red orbs that glittered in the gloom. "You're going to eat that cat."

"Eh?" The vampire blinked several times and then crinkled his brow doubtfully. "I don't want to…"

"You _will_ eat the cat. Turn into a dog if you have to." The door began to close.

"Why?"

Abraham scowled darkly without looking at Alucard. "Because I'm a dog person." The door shut with a dull clang, leaving the thoroughly puzzled and aching vampire on the floor of his cell.

"I think this is all rather unfair…" he murmured before closing his eyes with a whimper. "Maybe I will eat that cat…"


End file.
